


Just Take A Shower

by yayernayer



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Cuddling, Depressed Seungmin, First Kiss, Hyunjin & Seungmin are best friends, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of self-harm, hyunjin is a sweetheart, implied suicide, mentions of abuse, protect Seungmin at all cost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:27:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23813803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yayernayer/pseuds/yayernayer
Summary: The hardest thing Hyunjin has ever done in his whole life was: take a shower.It’s been 2 weeks since the incident. Hyunjin cried for 3 days straight, but after, he stayed in his room. He slept and slept until it started to be more damaging than it was comforting.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin & Kim Seungmin, Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 63





	Just Take A Shower

**Author's Note:**

> This story mentions abuse, self-harm, and suicide. Please if anything of these trigger you, don’t read.

The hardest thing Hyunjin has ever done in his whole life was: take a shower. 

No, it wasn’t studying for his final exams, nor was it arguing with his mother about his sexual orientation. [“No, mother, I’m not confused about who I am.” “Nonsense, you’re just wanting attention.”] He couldn’t be bothered to think about that.

Taking a shower was the most difficult thing to do. 

  
  
  


_ “Hey, Jinnie!” It was cold that October morning, the sun barely peeking through the grey clouds. Hyunjin had just gotten off the bus and was making his way towards the high school that he desperately wanted to escape from. “Have you started on your english essay?”  _

_ Seungmin. Precious little Seungmin who apparently ‘adopted’ Hyunjin in their first year. _

_ Hyunjin was always the last to leave the classroom because he had to catch up on course work that he ignored until the last possible minute. Someone took notice and slowly, but surely stayed behind as well. One day after last class, while everyone was packing up their things and heading out, Hyunjin felt a tap on his arm.  _

_ He wasn’t expecting the shy kid to be standing beside him hiding the same homework behind his back. Hyunjin agreed to study together and the next day, he got a better grade. _

_ Happy and excited, the two smiled at each other from across the room. Seungmin, that Hyunjin soon found out, suggested something in the lines of, ‘You need me for homework, I need you for friendship’. They stuck together like two peas in a pot ever since.  _

_ “No, I started it, but I got bored so I watched that new kdrama instead” Hyunjin met up Seungmin at the gates and they walked in. Chitter chatter was heard as soon as they got into the main hall. They had another 15 minutes before the first bell, so they walked to their favourite hideout in one of the empty classrooms. They sat down on the hard chairs and took out their homework from their bags. “And besides, I have my smart best friend to save my ass.”  _

_ “You’re lucky that I did,” Seungmin glared, but laughed when he glanced at the half-assed introduction Hyunjin attempted. “You really think Mr. Oh would accept that? You’re really something.”  _

_ “Please, that guy loves me.” Hyunjin placed his poorly written paper on top of Seungmin’s own. “Now help me write 400 more words in 12 minutes.”  _

_ “Lord please help me,” Seungmin sighed, already taking out highlighted notes from his bag and shoving it into his dumbass friends’ face. “I knew something like this would happen, so I made another copy of my notes for you to use. I accept money or lunch as my reward.”  _

_ Hyunjin immediately got to writing, speeding as time challenged his ability to jot down words faster than he could open the microwave door before it beeps loudly in the middle of the night.  _

_ “Thank you, Minnie,” They soon walked to their respective classroom as the first bell rang, slightly jogging when they remembered that Mr. Lee wasn’t keen on late-comers. “I’ll treat you to lunch today.” _

_ They got in before Mr. Lee started his lesson. He glared at the two boys as they quickly ran to their seats and took out their notebooks. Mr. Lee gave them a silent warning with his stern eyes, then finally starting his long boring lesson on history.  _

_ Lunch time. Whoever invented lunch time was truly a genius. Bless.  _

_ Seungmin followed the older as they got their lunches then paid for it, and now they’re walking to their table. “Thanks, Jinnie, I really would have starved today.”  _

_ “Parents fighting again?” Hyunjin asked as they got to their table, placing their trays and sitting down. It was further away from loud teenagers, which was a plus because they can hear each other better. “What’s going on now?”  _

_ “Nothing.” Seungmin opened his milk carton, sipping at it. “Okay, nothing bad. They’re just frustrated that they don't have enough money for their….addiction” _

_ “That’s what you say, ‘Nothing bad’ when there is something bad going on,” Hyunjin munched on his gimbap, watching his best friend lowering his head and quietly picking at his food. “Then you go missing for a day and come back like nothing happened.”  _

_ “That’s not true,” Seungmin tried to defend himself, but it was true. Every once in a few months, Seungmin would disappear for a day. He always showed up the next day with either bruises on his face or fresh cuts on his wrists. Seungmin always tried to deny it, but Hyunjin had his suspicions.  _

_ They eat together in silence after that. Hyunjin knew he touched a nerve, but he had to share his observation because he was worried. Seungmin was the type of person to suffer in silence and decline any help because he, stubbornly, says he’s ‘fine’ and he’ll fix it himself. Most of the time he bounces back and acts like ‘nothing bad’ happened, reassuring Hyunjin that he’s fine, no really, he’s fine. There are times when Seungmin acted strange for days. He flinched at every loud noise, flinched whenever Hyunjin would tackle him in a hug, and one time he freaked out and cried uncontrollably when someone accidentally hit him in gym class.  _

_ But that same excuse was always heard from Seungmin, ‘Sorry, I’m fine. Just tired today.’ _

_ “You can talk to me anytime,” Hyunjin decided. He knew he can’t force Seungmin, so it’s better to let him know that Hyunjin is always there. “You know that, right?” _

_ “Yeah,” Seungmin didn’t look at his best friend for the rest of the day, too tired to talk, too tired to try, too tired to breathe.  _

_ When school ended for the day, Seungmin quietly said bye as he tried to run out the door. He knew he would never make it out because Hyunjin was always one step ahead of him.  _

_ “So, wanna come over and play apex?” Hyunjin caught his best friend at the lockers, holding Seungmin’s pair of shoes in his hands. “My ma is making beef curry today, do you want some?”  _

_ “Damn you bastard,” Seungmin sighed, but he accepted the offer. He really didn’t want to go home anyway. “Using your ma’s cooking as a lure, you sneaky little shit.” Seungmin grabbed his shoes and quickly slid them on.  _

_ “Please, my ma’s cooking is lit and you love it.” Hyunjin laughed as they walked out of the building and made their way towards the bus stop. “You can sleep over, too.” Hyunjin offered, looking into Seungmin’s sad-looking eyes. Oh, what happened to him that made him so sad. “You know you’re always welcome..”  _

_ Seungmin sighed again, looking down at his feet to avoid that hopeful look on Hyunjin’s face. “Uh, sure. Why not.” Seungmin accepted the offer again, like he has many times in the past. Every time he did, there’s a weight on his shoulders like he knows it’s a little selfish. “Beef curry and apex? Heaven.”  _

_ “And maybe we can squeeze some homework in the mix,” The bus drove in a few minutes later and they hopped in, standing at the back when there aren’t any free spots.  _

_ “Already thought of working on it,” Seungmin chuckled.  _

_ 20 minutes later they got off the bus. Hyunjin was talking about the time he got lost in busan when he was looking for a gift to bring home for Seungmin, who was laughing at the thought of Hyunjin hopelessly finding his way back to his hotel. _

_ They stopped at the convenience store to grab snacks for later. “Hey, how's your ma doing? you know, after that bomb you dropped on her?” Seungmin asked as they paid at the counter, sneakily putting gum into the mix. “Has she forgiven you?”  _

_ “For what? for being bi?” Hyunjin laughed out loud, startling the cashier a bit. “Please, I can’t apologize for being who I am.” They walked out and finally made their way towards Hyunjin’s house. It was getting colder as the sun set. It was october, so it was normal. “If she’s mad, then let her be mad. I’m almost 18, and graduating this year, she must’ve seen this coming.”  _

_ “Still, you could be nicer about it.” Seungmin sighed, looking away. They talk until they walk up the steps and into Hyunjin’s ‘crib’, taking off their shoes and speed-walking towards Hyunjin’s room. They set the snacks down and grab the controllers. “I can smell the beef from here,” Seungmin couldn’t wait for dinner.  _

_ They play video games for an hour. They laugh whenever someone died and lost all their stuff after responding at a different area in the game, they played in silence for 15 minutes when they got serious, and cried when they lost a few games. They ended their game session with mario kart.  _

_ “You going down, Minnie,” Hyunjin selected the red yoshi as his character and went for the bike. “Prepare to taste defeat.” _

_ “Please, you’re barely a challenge,” Seungmin chuckled, selecting shy guy as his character.  _

_ “Let’s see about that.”  _

_ Seungmin ended up winning eight races.  _

_ An hour later, with stomachs full of yummy food, the two find their way back into the room. Seungmin suggested that they get started on their homework so they’d have the rest of the evening to play more video games. Hyunjin knew he had picked the perfect friend.  _

_ “I swear Mr. Lee is going to snap one day.” Hyunjin was finishing up his history assignment (that was due two days ago but we’re not going to acknowledge that) He looked up to see that Seungmin was staring at him funny. “Do I have something on my face?” Hyunjin grabbed his phone to check on his camera.  _

_ “Uh- no, just curious about something..” Seungmin laughed nervously, quickly looking down at his paper. “But, uh, what did you say about Mr. Lee?”  _

_ “Never mind about that,” Hyunjin watched his best friend shift uncomfortably under his gaze. Something feels off. “Curious about what?”  _

_ “It’s nothing serious,” Seungmin was quick to say, blushing when Hyunjin wouldn’t stop looking at him. “Okay, fine. Promise not to laugh?” _

_ “I mean, I might laugh a little-“ Seungmin threw his eraser at Hyunjin’s forehead. Hard. “Ow. Fine I won’t laugh.”  _

_ “Okay,” Seungmin looked down at his paper again, suddenly feeling shy when Hyunjin's attention was on him again. “I, fuck, I was curious about how many, uh, guys you, uh,” Seungmin stumbled over his words, which was out-of-character. “How many guys you, uh, kissed.”  _

_ Hyunjin was surprised. He wasn’t expecting to see this side of his best friend. It was cute. “Are you asking how many guys I kissed?”  _

_ Seungmin blushed harder, turning more red as time went by. “Don’t make me say it again, you bastard.”  _

_ Hyunjin cooed, making grabby hands at the shy Seungmin, who was flipping him off with a scowl on his face. “Well, Minnie, I can proudly report that I’ve kissed 3 guys.” Hyunjin cooed some more when Seungmin blushed again. “One of them was a heated make-out session, though. Damn, what a catch.”  _

_ “O-Oh, congratulations I guess,” Seungmin focused on his paper again, ignoring the confused look on the older’s face.  _

_ “Minnie,” Hyunjin said after 3 long minutes. “Why’d you ask?” He poked at Seungmin’s arm until the younger snapped. “hmm?” Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows when Seungmin glared at him.  _

_ Seungmin sighed once again, he seemed to be doing that a lot today, and pushed his paper away from him. Might as well finish it later.  _

_ “I told you, I was just curious.” Seungmin crossed his arms and stared back at Hyunjin. “It’s not that deep.”  _

_ “Okay,” Hyunjin smiled when Seungmin seemed to look relieved. “Well, my turn to ask you: How many people did you kiss?” Hyunjin’s smile grew when he watched Seungmin look like a deer caught in headlights. “Come on, sweet precious, I answered your question,” Hyunjin smirked, “Now you answer mine.”  _

_ Seungmin glared when he knew what his best friend was doing. Sneaky bastard. “If you must know, I haven’t kissed anyone. I have more better things to do.”  _

_ “That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” Hyunjin giggled, cooing at Seungmin’s shy blush creeping on his ears. “But you’ve done other cute things, right? like holding hands and cuddling?”  _

_ Seungmin grabbed a pillow nearby and hid behind it. “No.” He whispered, the atmosphere suddenly tense. “I haven’t. I’m just, uh, afraid? You know that I’ve never been in a loving environment, It took so long to get used to your weird hugs..”  _

_ Hyunjin scooted closer to the younger, carefully placing his hand on top of the others’ and squeezed. “You’re capable of being loved, Minnie.”  _

_ “I know, it’s just hard to believe right now..” Seungmin smiled sadly, “Maybe one day I’ll stop second-guessing myself and my feelings, but not now.” Hyunjin gently wrapped his arms around the younger, pulling him closer. “I just feel a lot of things and it’s hard to stop it, you know? Sometimes I don’t know if i’m even human.”  _

_ “I’m gonna hug the sad out of you,” Hyunjin squeezed the younger, feeling him laughing at the hug. “Sadness, be gone!”  _

_ Seungmin was tense, but he let his best friend hug him. Sometimes a hug was okay. “Thank you.”  _

_ They sit in silence, still holding each other on the floor. Soft music was playing as they comfortably listened to each other’s quiet heart beats.  _

_ “Minnie?” Hyunjin whispered after a while, he wasn’t sure if Seungmin fell asleep or not, he’s been quiet for so long. When he heard a gentle hum from the younger, he carefully intertwined their hands and brought it up to his lips.  _

_ Seungmin squeaked, nuzzling his face into Hyunjin’s nape. He had just realized how domestic this whole thing was, he felt embarrassed. “Jinnie, thank you. You’re the only person who has shown me that love and mushy feelings can happen.”  _

_ “Do you feel mushy feelings right now?” Hyunjin felt the younger’s gentle breathing on his nape, tickling him. He giggled softly, kissing Seungmin’s hand.  _

_ “I don’t know,” Seungmin turned his head to see their intertwined hands, blushing when Hyunjin kissed his hand again. “My hand feels mushy, though.”  _

_ They giggle and sit in silence again. This felt nice. It was calming on Seungmin’s racing brain, it was nice to finally take a break from his sad reality.  _

_ After a while Seungmin was falling asleep, subconsciously leaning into Hyunjin’s embrace even more. “Hey, Minnie?” Hyunjin whispered, looking down at his best friend struggling to keep his eyes open. “Do you trust me?”  _

_ “What do you mean?” Seungmin yawned, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. “Of course, I trust you. I don’t think I’d tell you that I secretly love singing if I didn’t trust you..”  _

_ “True,” Hyunjin carefully shifted their position, lifting Seungmin up and setting him down on his lap. He tangles his arms around Seungmin’s waist. “What I meant was, do you trust me enough to...practice for future situations.”  _

_ “Practice?” Seungmin yawned once again, not even realizing the new position they’re in.  _

_ “Do you wanna,” Hyunjin hesitated, not sure if he should. He’s just looking out for his best friend, Seungmin deserves the best and if his firsts are ruined because people don’t take care of him, then he should help him. Seungmin deserves the best, like he had said. “Do you wanna kiss?” _

_ That woke Seungmin up. “What?”  _

_ “I mean, if you want, of course.” Hyunjin quickly reassured the younger, who had their mouth wide open. “No pressure, really!”  _

_ Seungmin was surprised, scared even, but he shyly nodded. He never knew what it felt to love another, but he surely trusted his best friend. “I, um, I trust you.”  _

_ “Okay,” Hyunjin smiled, blushing when Seungmin innocently pouted as they looked each other in the eyes. “I’m, uh, going for it now.”  _

_ Seungmin nodded, closing his eyes. He was nervous, shaking in his spot. He waited for the moment Hyunjin met his lips but it never came. Confused and scared, he slowly opened his eyes. He was surprised to see that Hyunjin was tearing up, “Why are you crying?” Seungmin cupped his best friend’s cheek, wiping at the overflowing tears spilling.  _

_ “You deserve every good in this world,” Hyunjin whispered, slowly leaning in until their faces were just inches apart.  _

_ Seungmin was afraid of receiving affection because he knew he could never return the gesture. He was afraid of letting people see the real side of him, the messy side. He was afraid of what his parents would think if he tried to live his life. He was afraid that he’d be stuck feeling sorry himself for the rest of his life.  _

_ The moment he felt Hyunjin’s lips touch his for the very first time, he knew that he had finally decided his fate.  _

_ Seungmin felt tears fall as they slowly tangle themselves together. Hyunjin’s hands roaming the younger’s body, finding their place on Seungmin’s lower back, fingertips pressing under his shirt, drawing gentle circles against that small strip of bare skin. Seungmin sobs as they continue to give each other their all.  _

_ Seungmin knew that this was selfish. He could never repay this, he doesn’t have anything to give. “Hyunjin,” He murmured, letting his hands from its place on the older’s shoulders. “We should stop.” It hurt, but he knew it had to be done. He already let it happen for too long.  _

_ “Are you okay?” Hyunjin waited for his own heart to stop beating so fast. It was just a kiss. Nothing more.  _

_ “Yeah, I think I’m alright.” Seungmin half-smiled. “Thank you,” He blushed when he realized that Hyunjin hasn’t let him go yet. “You’re a kind person, I'm forever thankful for you.”  _

_ “You are loved, Kim Seungmin.” Hyunjin gently kissed his best friend’s temple before tightening the hold again. Something felt off, like he knew that if he didn’t hold on for as long as he can, he’d regret it.  _

_ Seungmin giggled as he wrapped his arms around the older, kissing the top of Hyunjin’s nose before nuzzling his face into the older’s neck. Just this once he’d enjoy this moment. Just once more.  _

_ “I know..”  _

  
  


“Hyunjinnie, let's get you washed.” His mother spoke softly as she helped her son stand up from his bed. The smell of rotting meals that’s been sitting on the nightstand sent chills down her spine. She knew that she needed to clean before letting her son back into the room. They stumble and crash into furniture as they slowly, but surely, make their way towards the bathroom. 

His mother had already prepared warm water and a new change of clothes beforehand, so the only thing that needed to be done was Hyunjin getting into the shower. 

“Alright, take off your clothes. I’ll turn around.” She heard her son slowly discard his clothing and dropping it onto the floor. When she knew he was done, she turned around and helped guide him into the warm water. 

After a while of mindlessly staring at the wall, Hyunjin finally started to move on his own. Like taking over washing his hair when his mother struggled to rinse the bubbles from the top of his head and washing his underarms and legs. He let his mother rub his back as he stood still, listening to his mother quietly sing their favourite song and letting the water hide his tears. This was the hardest thing Hyunjin has ever done in his whole life; taking a shower. 

Holding the body of someone he loved who has committed suicide was easy. All he would have to do was sit there while he waited for the paramedics and hope that he was wrong, praying that there was still a person there to save. 

“Baby boy,” His mother was quick to catch her son before he fell, jumping into the shower then holding him tight. Hyunjin was sobbing uncontrollably as he screamed at the cruel world, using every curse word he knew. “Shh, you’re fine, you’re fine, baby boy,”

“Why’d he do it, ma?” Hyunjin sobbed, punching at the floor. “Why?” He was losing it. 

The morning after their little kiss, Seungmin had left as soon as Hyunjin woke up. Saying that he needed to be home before going to school. Of course Hyunjin paid no mind to it, letting him go because he knew he’d see his best friend at the gates soon anyway. 

“ _ Remember that we have that anime club today, the one we both signed up for!”  _ Hyunjin shouted after the younger, slowly putting on his own clothes for the day. He didn’t hear anything from Seungmin, who has just nodded and walked out the door with nothing more than a soft ‘ _ Bye’  _

When Hyunjin got to the gates, he was confused that his best friend wasn’t already there. Seungmin was always on time. Maybe he’s running late because he did have to get home first, right? he’s just late. 

Hyunjin decided to wait out the 15 minutes they had until the first bell. He greeted fellow peers as they walked in, especially the ones who were in the anime club. 

[“Hey Hyunjin!” Lee Felix had come up to him, smiling brightly. “Ready to have a debate about whether Haikyuu is the greatest sports anime of all?” 

“Please, we all know that Kuroko no basket is the best,” Han Jisung popped up behind the cheery australian, waving at Hyunjin. “Seungmin still isn’t here?” 

Hyunjin nodded, sighing sadly when he did a quick lookout. “I think he’s just late today.” 

“That’s weird, isn’t he always standing here before you get here?” Felix pointed out the obvious. “I guess the top students can be late too.”] 

At the 5 minute mark, Hyunjin was getting anxious. Still no signs of his best friend yet. The school yard was starting to clear out, most of the students making their way to their respective classrooms. 

When the first bell rang, Hyunjin stood his ground. Something felt off. He’s been getting this feeling lately, he doesn’t know what it meant nor what he should do about it. He waited another 10 minutes, he’s pretty sure that Mr. Lee had already started the lesson but he couldn’t be bothered to worry about class right now. 

Hyunjin thought of the possibility that it was one of those days Seungmin would be gone for today and he’d show up tomorrow. Another 10 long minutes of standing hopelessly at the gates, Seungmin still didn’t show up and there’s something unsettling about it. 

_ ‘Maybe I should check on him..’  _ Hyunjin thought, already walking down the sidewalk and turning at the corner. He ignored the school security shouting after him to ‘ _ Get to class!’  _ and continued walking. His best friend didn’t live too far from the school, which was why Hyunjin was confused, it was only a 10 minute walk. 

He walked into the apartment complex and went up two flights of stairs and finally stopped in front of Seungmin’s door. It was quiet in there, he wasn’t sure if anyone was home. Hesitating a bit, he knocked on the door. He expected someone to open the door, but instead, it slightly creaked open. 

Hyunjin was scared, but he had to know if anyone was home. “Hello?” He pushed the door, letting himself in. He slowly walked through the living room, it was messy; bottles everywhere and the smell of cigarettes lingering in the air. 

Hyunjin has only been to Seungmin’s apartment once in the past. When he had begged to come over because his mother had her co-workers coming over for a small get-together. Even then the apartment was disastrous. 

“Minnie?” Hyunjin carefully stepping over broken glass on the floor and slowly walked over to the younger’s room, no sign of anyone yet. When he got to the room, he peeked inside silently hoping to see his best friend. Unfortunately Seungmin wasn’t in the room. It was just his bed and a small table with the lamp still on. The room itself was fairly clean, just a few clothes lying around and the bed wasn’t made. Hyunjin’s heart started to beat faster when he noticed that the bathroom door was closed. “Minnie?” Slowly, he closed the bedroom door and ever-so-quietly tiptoed towards the bathroom. 

Weirdly enough he heard the water running. “S-Seungmin?” He knocked, his palms getting sweaty and the weight on his heart was heavy. When the door didn’t open, Hyunjin suddenly felt scared to even touch the doorknob. Something felt extremely off. “I’m coming in,” He announced, forcing himself to push open the door. 

Words could not explain the horror he saw when he finally found his best friend. Nothing could ever explain the pain he felt when he ran to grab hold of his best friend’s lifeless body and pull him out of the bloody bath water. 

Hyunjin didn’t realize how much he was crying when he finally held his best friend in his arms. “No, no, Seungmin, you’re fine, you’re okay, I’m here,” Choking on his words, Hyunjin desperately tried stopping the blood oozing out of the younger’s arms, he had to rip the sleeves off; exposing the many scars and fresh cuts. 

“N-No, you’re okay, Minnie, I’m here,” Hyunjin sobbed when Seungmin didn’t make a noise. “Don’t be scared, not anymore. You’re not alone, I’m here.” 

  
  


It’s been 2 weeks since the incident. Hyunjin cried for 3 days straight, but after, he stayed in his room. He slept and slept until it started to be more damaging than it was comforting. He didn’t come out, nor did he eat. Hyunjin just laid on his bed, replaying the horrible scene in his head over and over until he felt nothing. 

Today, though, his mother had decided to help him shower because you cannot get over somebody but you can take a shower. 

  
  
  


It was October of the next year, Hyunjin was walking up to the cemetery on Seungmin’s memorial day. He had brought his guitar and a few snacks because he was going to be here for a while. 

“Hey, Minnie,” Hyunjin cheerfully greeted, taking his place in front of the plaque. “University is kicking my butt,” He chuckled, opening up a bag of chips. “I wish you were here to help me with the overwhelming amount of assignments,” He smiled sadly. 

He had graduated, went on an awesome summer vacation, and even started on his first year of post-secondary. All these experiences without his Seungmin. 

“You know, the anime club actually became the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Hyunjin laughed, remembering all the dumb debates and marathons the members had done. “They’re really cool. Some of them are in my university, so that’s a plus.” Hyunjin continued to talk about his new friends and how much he wished Seungmin was here to laugh and experience life with them. 

“I’ll never understand why you left,” Hyungjin sighed, remembering the pain he felt for 3 long months. He blamed himself for not helping when he had the chance. He had seen the bruises and cuts many times but he never did anything. It took so long to forgive himself and forgive Seungmin. “But I know you’re happier wherever you are.”

“Oh, yeah,” Hyunjin grabbed his guitar, placing it on his lap, “I wrote this [song](https://www.facebook.com/1573013630/posts/10212452995471263/?d=n) during summer. I hope you like it because you’re not getting another one.” Hyunjin knew his best friend would be glaring at him at that lame joke. 

“ _ I cried myself to sleep last night _

__

_ I still can’t believe that you are gone  _

_ Oh, you left so suddenly  _

_ I didn’t have time to tell you I cared  _

_ I didn’t have time to tell you, you meant so much to me  _

_ Oh, how I miss you so  _

_ Now you’re gone  _

_ To a land far away  _

_ Missing you”  _

  
_ “ _ I love you, Kim Seungmin.” 

**Author's Note:**

> If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts and/or depressed during this pandemic, please talk to your parents or friends. It is a time to be close with loved ones. 
> 
> If you’ve lost a loved one, I send my condolences and my thoughts are with you. ❤️ 
> 
> // hello! I hope you enjoyed my story. It was hard to write because I was thinking of my own feelings, my siblings feelings, my best friends feelings, and the thought of my cousin’s first memorial coming up. 
> 
> Depression seemed to have gotten a hold of everyone I love. I pray that we’ll continue to be well during this pandemic. 
> 
> And I hope you are doing okay as well.


End file.
